A distinguished young woman on a flight from USA to Dar es salaam,
Tanzania asked the Priest beside her:
Woman: "Father, may I ask for a favor?"
Priest: "Of course. What may I do for you child?"
Woman: "Well, I bought an expensive woman's electronic hair dryer for my
mother's birthday that is unopened and I am well over the Customs
limits, and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could
carry it through Customs for me.......... Under your robe perhaps?"
Priest: "I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not
lie."
Woman: "With your honest face, Father, no one will question you."
When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her.
Custom Officer: "Father, do you have anything to declare?"
Priest: "From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to
declare. "
The official thought this answer was strange.
Custom Officer:: "And what do you have to declare from your waist to the
floor?"
Priest: "I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman,
but which is, to date, unused."
Custom Officer:: (Roaring with laughter, said) "Go ahead, Father." Next!
Now............................................. truly, did the priest
lie?
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Tanzanian Shilling Converter
21 comments:
Nope! he told the truth. But wait if he meant the 'thing' with two ball he could have lied or not. But if he meant the dryerhe did not lie for he declared tu have it.
Again, all your jokes are towards Christians, kwa nini utaki kuweka jokes za Kiislamu? unaogopa nini? man grow up!
Mtoa maoni hapo juu, nadhani mwenyekiti ameweka utani wa kawaida tu, nadhani hakuna kashfa yeyote. Lakini naungana na wewe kwenye hoja moja kuwa jokes zake nyingi mwenyekiti ni za Kikristu. Mwenyekiti nadhani hupo bias kidogo, labda kipindi fulani weka basi jokes za Kiislamu, kwa kweli hata mimi sijawahi kuona kwenye blog yako jokes yeyote inayohusu Uislamu, jaribu kuwa balance walau.
Wakristo wanasema; "Anayekupiga shavu la kushoto mgeuzie la kulia". Waislamu wanasema; " Jino kwa jino". Hao wa mwisho hawana utani! ( Just A Joke!)
Maggid
nimepasoma, pazuri kiasi ila duh!
jaribu kuwatania waisilamu harafu uone,
mkti kwa kauli yake hiyo anaupendelea ukristo?
Hah ha haah!! Umenivunja mbavu Bro. Huyu Fadha yuko juu! Hata mahakamani angeshinda kesi. Kosa lingekuwa la huyo ofisa. Ni falsafa kubwa sana imejificha ndani ya hii joke. Unaweza "kuukwepa ukweli, kwa kutumia ukweli" ha ha haa!
ANALYST
Mbona watu wanaona kirahisi sana mambo ya kidini siku hizi? Yaani swala dogo kabisa watu wanakimbilia kufikiri kuna upendeleo au kashfa.
Ndugu zangu, tuvue miwani za kidini tulizovalishwa au kuzivaa wenyewe. Watu waliovaa miwani hizi wanapata shida sana. Kila wanachokiona tafsiri ya kwanza wanyoipa imejikita kwenye dini.
To them life is unbearable. Wamejijengea kuta zisizo na maana kwa kufikiri ndiyo wataonekana wanaipenda "dini" yao. Jamani! Watu kama hawa tunapaswa kuwaombea wawekwe huru. Mtu yeyote asifikiri anaweza kulinda dini. Hii haiwezekani. Unaweza tu kulinda imani yako. Dini hailindiki!
Jifunze kumuona mwenzako kama Mwanadamu, mwafrika, Mtanzania rafiki, jamaa, na ndugu. Tafuta quality zake ambazo zinakwenda beyond religion kama vile ucheshi, uchapa kazi, mahusiano mazuri na watu na kadalika. Ni mtizamo tu unatakiwa kubadilika. Na hii siyo ngumu. You just need to reprogramme your mind. Deleat mawazo ya kidini nawe utakuwa huru.
Nawasilisha,
ANALYST
Oh Mzee, kama alivyosema mdau hapo juu, jaribu kuweka jokes za Kiislamu basi.... hiyo ulisema kuwa Wakristu wanasema "akupigie kofi shavu la kushoto mgeuzie na la pili" na kuwa Waislamu wanasema kuwa "jino kwa jino" nadhani ni sawa sioni joke yeyote hapa. Ningependa kuona jokes za Masheihkh kama unavyofanya kwa mapadri.... kama alivyosema mdau kuwa kuwa balance. Udini huo
Mzee Analyst kama unavyojiita. Nakubaliana na hilo ulilosema kuwa watu wavue miwani ya "kidini" lakini nadhani Majjid amezidi sana, kama mdau mwingine alivyosema nadhani angejaribu kuwa balance kidogo.... just be sensitive....kama unabisha, jaribuni kuweka utani wowote hapa juu ya Uislamu halafu utaona hali itakavyokuwa hapa.
jamani mlio ghadhibika poleni kwani mimi ndio niliotuma kwa mwenye blogu.
tena mie ni mkristo!
sikudhani kuwa itakwaza.
Nilidhani ni sehemu ya wenye mianya kucheka na kuvunjwa mbavu na sio vinginevyo.
yoyote anaweza ku--edit sehemu ya padri akaweka sheikh!
na kuituma kwa blogger atuwekee na tuendelee kuvunja mbavu.
poleni kwa kuwa kwaza.
muhimu siku zote:read between lines&understand!
each post is meant to make a world a better place and not otherwise!
Mzee the "Analyst" ungeandika Kiswahili kingereza hicho..... Lakini naungana na wewe, tusiangalie sana mambo ya dini. Haya jamani, mimi kwa mtazamo wangu, sisi kama wabongo hatutaweza kupigana kwa Ukabila, lakini siku moja itafika tutapigana kwa udini....hii I am very sure. Njia pekee nadhani tuwe makini kwa yale tunayosema. Mimi ni Muislam, ndugu zangu wengi ni Wakristu. Kumbe naweza kuelewa kwa nini wengine wamekasirika kwa utani huo hapo juu. Nadhani tunapoandika kuhusu "Mapdri" kwa wenzetu Padri ni mtu muhimu sana, kama sisi walivyo viongozi wetu wa dini. Kumbe nadhani tunaweza kuepuka hivi vitu vidogo vidogo. Kuna mdau kasema kuwa Mwenyekiti aweke jokes za Kiislamu halafu ataona...nadhani msituchukulie kama sisi ni wakorofi sana, hapana. Once again, jamani tuepuke mambo yasiyo na faida hasa ya kuongelea udini. Pia mwenyekiti epuke kuweka utani mwingine, unajua kwa wengine bwana wataona kuwa dini yao inasakamwa sababu wewe siyo wa dini yao. Kama alivyosema mdau hapo juu kuwa daima unaweka utani wa dini moja. Kama ni kweli, nadhani mwenyekiti unaweza kuona utani unafaa na usiyofaa, wewe ni msomi nami nakufahamu sana.
I don’t think there’s anything ‘sinister’ on that joke, may be for those ‘over-sensitive’ guys!
Moreover, it would be insane to prejudice author’s biasness or his believe based on that joke.
To me, that was just a ‘normal’ joke but it’s a shame, some people took it out of context.
Some people questioning why he (Majid Mjengwa) doesn’t use some Islamic jokes in his blog as well? But the matter of fact is, if he used one or two Islamic jokes, some other fellas would ask similar question(s) people asked him today!
We should acknowledge that once you're blogging, you are in very very fragile position. People would always comment and ask whichever you blog out!...but should ask fair questions!
Just to remind all that this blog is not about Muslims or Christians or non-believers! It's about how we can improve our societies through sharing know-how!
And of course, 'jokes' could be part of this.
___________
Jua Kali
nafikiri utani usio leta chuki unakubalika. Mie ni mkristo wa damu na sioni ubaya wa utani kama huu. Kwanza hapo padri amepewa sifa kama mtu msema kweli.
Blackmpingo
Nimecheka mnooo. Aweke jokes za kiislamu ili akomaliwe kama mchora katuni wa Dk alivyokomaliwa! Tania waliozoea utani. Usitanie wasiouzoea utani
Anon wa Thu May 28, 10:16:00 PM EAT unasema "Mzee Analyst kama unavyojiita. Nakubaliana na hilo ulilosema kuwa watu wavue miwani ya "kidini" lakini nadhani Majjid amezidi sana.."
Sipendi kukupinga bila sababu ila naomba tu ujaribu kutumia vipimo vya haki kabla hujamhukumu mtu kuwa "amezidi sana". Namfahamu Maggid tangu siku nyingi nami ni kati ya wadau namba moja wa hii blogu yake. Ni Mkristo na Sijawahi kuona kitu chochote kinachoweza kuashiria kuwa ni mdini. Nimesoma watu wakimshambulia sana kwa mambo madogo na niliwahi kumshauri asijadili dini ya wengine. Ni kutokana na kuona kuna watu wengi sana humu kijijini wamejitoa mhanga "kulinda dini"....
Anon wa Fri May 29, 07:17:00 AM EAT Unaandika " Mzee the "Analyst" ungeandika Kiswahili kingereza hicho..... Lakini naungana na wewe, tusiangalie sana mambo ya dini. Haya jamani, mimi kwa mtazamo wangu, sisi kama wabongo hatutaweza kupigana kwa Ukabila, lakini siku moja itafika tutapigana kwa udini...."
Asante ndugu yangu. Mara nyingine maneno ya Kiswahili yanakawia inabidi tutwange hivyo hivyo lugha ya Bibi....
Sidhani pia tutapigana kwa dini kama mimi na wewe tutahimiza watu kuvua miwani za kidini walizovalishwa tangu utoto na wengine kuzivaa bila kujua madhara yake. Kuna watu nakutana nao nashukuru Mungu hawana nafasi yeyote serikalini au katika jumuia yeyote ile. Wao akili yao inawatuma kuangalia majina huyu Muislamu huyu Mkristo huyu sijui dini gani. Inasikitisha kwa kweli. Na madhara yake kisaikolojia ni mengi. Mtu unajikuta uko katika "gereza" ulilojiundia mwenyewe. Marafiki zako wote watatokana na hako kakundi kadogo ulichojiundia. Kama hili linasaidia kulinda IMANI ya mtu afadhali lakini utakuta mtu mwenyewe hana IMANI. Ana dini tu na yuko radhi kuifia!
Mwisho nawashukuru sana ANON wote wawili hapo juu kwa kuniita "MZEE" Analyst (Sijui niliyoyasema yana uzee ndani yake... maana hii ni mara ya kwanza kuitwa Mzee haha hahaaaa Joking!)
ANALYST
Aha, aha, jamani wekeni za Kiislamu muone???apatakalika hapa. Au mtu ajaribu kubalisha hiyo sehemu ya padri aweke Sheikh mtaona....
Mdau hapa juu umeongea ukweli, kuwa "tania walizoea utani, Usitanie wasiuzoea utani." Nadhani kila mwenye blog anayo haki ya kupost kitu chochote anachotaka, ukiwa kwa Michuzi huwezi kukuta crap kama hizi za dini, yeye kuna discussion nyingine, ndiyo freedom of speech hiyo. Nadhani kwa wale wanaodhani kuwa Wakristu wanataniwa sana, nao wanaweza kufungua blog na kuweka jokes za Uislam... haya jamani weekend njema.
Huyo Custom officer alielewa maana ya hiyo joke ndio maana akacheka.Na kwa kuielewa ina maana huyo Padri ni wa Romam Catholic ndio hawaruhusiwi kuoa na hivyo kuwa na thing chini ya kiuno ambacho hakiyatumika.Joke hii isingefaa kubadilishwa kwa kuweka Sheikh kwani Masheikh wanaruhusiwa kuoa hivyo isingeleta maana.Hivyo tuache kukimbilia udini bila ya kuwa na sababu za kutosha za kufanya hivyo.Padri kwanza kaonyesha uaminifu kwa kusema kwamba hawezi kusema uongo.Acheni hizo.
Naomba na mimi nichangie walau mada hii. Kwa wanakao DC mimi ni Padri Mushi. Nadhani waliochangia hoja na kuona ina udini, kwa upande wangu sioni udini wowote. Nadhani ni kama utani mingine ambayo sisi Mapadri tumezoea kuisikia ikielekezwa kwetu. Mimi napenda watu waliogushwa na utani huu wachukulie ni utani wa kawaida, ni kama wanajua Philosophy basi waangalie joke hii in Philosophical approach kuliko kuendelea kuzozona kwenye hili, nadhani ni utani wa kawaida tu. Nadhani baadhi wamekasirika sababu hakuna utani unazungumziwa juu ya Uislam au wachungaji wa madhehebu mbalimbali...kwa wale waliogushwa ningependa mjue kitu kimoja important "we are catholics" hicho ni muhimu zaidi.....mtasikia matani mengi sana juu ya mapadri...
Fr. Mushi
Unaweza kutuwekea katuni ya Mtume Mohammed uone kama mazee hutatangaziwa fatwa!
Hakika nimeshangazwa sana na michango ya walioona UDINI hapa. Nilisoma makala hii kama wiki iliyopita na hakika niliburudika sana kwa sababu:
1: Kiwango cha ukweli kilichosemwa
2: Kiwango cha akili na ufahamu wa mtunza kifaa.
Sikujiwa na wazo la dini hata kidogo,ingawa ni mkristo, bali ucheshi na tafakuri murua. Nakubaliana na Fr. Mushi kwa hoja ya philosophical perspective katika hili. Nilitaraji kuwa watu wangejiuliza baadhi ya maswali kama vile; je hii inaweza kutokea? je, ikitokea ina athari gani kwa imani ya mkristo? Kwa iwango gani utani huu unaelezea hali halisi ya maisha ya waTanzania achilia hao wana DINI?
TUJIFUNZE KUTAFAKARI KWA FIKRA HURU
Hizi kuta tulizojijengea kwa misingi ya kuwa watetezi wa DINI zetu hata haiongezi chembe ya IMANI zetu.
Kama Mkristo siamin kuwa Mungu anastahili kupiganiwa na mtu, bali YEYE (Mungu) huangalia IMAMI.
Kama jamii tutanufaika zaidi tukiruhusu na kuvumilia watu wanaowaza tofauti nasi bila kuwashinikiza wafanane nasi.
IMANI, AMANI na MAENDELEO vitastawi tanzania kwa kadri tutakavyoruhusu fikra mbadala.
Historia ni mwalimu mzuri, yatuonyesha hivyo. Dunia na nchi zake vipo twaweza ona na kujihakiki katika kuchagua kati ya DINI na IMANI.
Fikra Huru Hudumu.
Mdau, Oslo ya Norway
Post a Comment